I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
