I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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