Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
