walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
