I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
