giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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