She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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