Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
