Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
