I cannot find my penis.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
