I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
