Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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