I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
