It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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