I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
