"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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