That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
