A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
