So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
