Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
