i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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