i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
