I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
