we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
