Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
