The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
