2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
