At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
