apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
