oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
