haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's shark week go big or go home
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
