Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
