i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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