dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
