I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
