batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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