Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
