ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
