did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
