Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
