he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
