I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
