well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
