How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
