Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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