i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
