this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
