Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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