I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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