We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
