Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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