omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
