The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
