Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
